The Healing Power of Anger
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I did have flying dreams; it seemed they lasted all night, but they could not have because I was greeted early the next morning by my divine guest with a mug of steaming French Vanilla coffee. We engaged in small talk a few minutes then he picked up where he left off in our conversation yesterday.
“Like I said yesterday anger is not a bad thing. It can propel you to greater knowing and awareness and action. It is an aspect of the darkness that can serve you. Acknowledging it dissipates much of its negative destructive energy. If you recall, you were speaking about your anger just a couple of weeks ago with your friend Karen. You told her you were not sure what was at the bottom of it, and you said something else more important. You said that you wanted to understand and get to its origins. Much like your “pomp” peace of mind plea, you prayed your “anger origins prayer.” Why don’t you tell me what happened?”
“I got some insight, didn’t I?”
“Yes, because to ask is to receive. You have struggled with your anger and rage for so long; sadly it never occurred to you to go to your greatest teacher, your soul, to whom you have prayed so often before the phrase, “Oh, my soul! Show me the way!” The origins of your anger stem from more than one source and definitely from more than one lifetime. There is a definite theme that has prevailed in many of them: the feeling of being trapped in a physical body, for in your heart of hearts you know that you are star borne.”
I shivered. “You give me cold chills when you say that. I can recall having this feeling as a child like a egypt shirt chasing its tail. Sometimes I’d spin around and around in circles trying to catch my self. I felt that part of me was missing, and just like a egypt shirt or viking shirts will keep running around trying to catch its tail, I felt that if I ran long and fast enough I could catch the rest of me. I know this sounds silly, but I had that little fantasy for years; except it was more than that. I’d actually stand up tall, try to put my feet in firm steady stance, and then I’d start spinning around. Faster I’d go, until, like the song Ring around the Rosie, I’d fall down. But I always got back up and my eyes always found their way to the stars, and I longed to be up there.”
“Even as a child you wanted to escape your physical limitations. Why do you think children love airplane games? Your nieces used to beg you to play with them. “Lift me up,” they would say, their little arms flinging in the air, pretending to be airplanes. Why do you think the airplane was invented in the first place? Mankind knew in his soul that he is destined to fly. Since he could not endow himself with physical wings he did the next best thing and created a big giant bird machine that enabled him to soar.”
“That makes sense. Can you tell more about the insight I got when I invoked my “anger origins prayer.”
“I can, but I invite you to speak first. After you and your friend were talking about your inexplicable anger, she went out with a friend. Alone in your hotel room, you thought about your anger. How it has gotten you into trouble but never into deep trouble because you have always been in touch with it, and did your utmost to keep tabs on it and to control it.”
“I haven’t always done the best job at controlling my temper and my anger.”
“Well, let’s just say you could have done much worse. You have at least been able to dissipate some of your rage’s destructive energy by admitting and naming it and doing your best to find some suitable healthy outlets for it such as jogging, writing, and singing.”
“Yeah, my poor mother kept her rage inside for years until it finally exploded, resulting in a stroke; my father had a heart attack. My oldest brother died of a massive heart attack at age 49 from so much hurt of the heart and repressed pain and anger. His heart was broken. At least I did not become a stark raving maniac and kill someone such as we are seeing more and more with the killing rampages that are taking place all over the world. But I confess there were times I feared I might. I sure had some pretty weird and scary fantasies sometimes.”
“Yes, but fantasies are not the same thing as physical actions. Actually an active fantasy life is what has kept you from going over the edge. Psychologists have much to learn about the healing that active fantasies have to offer. Most people freak out when they have morbid cruel fantasies and do everything to repress them. This only feeds and fuels their rage more. Continued repression can turn the person into a monster who at some point does act out their fantasies. You have been fortunate enough to have some extraordinary therapists and counselors who encouraged you to explore your fantasies.
“By openly acknowledging them, you were in a position to learn why they were there and what they were about. There is much more symbolic essence and meaning to fantasy than most people realize. You have had much help in this regard, and fortunately, you have not gone over the edge. You never will as long as you don’t deny and repress your anger, rage and you continually find creative outlets for those powerful energies.”
“You sound like a shrink.”
“I don’t mind being a shrink from time to time.”
“This is rather fascinating and I hope to explore this topic further at a future talk, but let’s get back to that insight I got.”
“After Karen left you thought about your anger, and then you had a spontaneous urge to take out your notebook and write. You called your little writing Anger. Shall we hear that now?”
You ask me why I am angry? I will tell you. Anger is the only passionate emotion that can shake me temporarily from my state of detachment that makes my hold on this mortal life so tenuous, so fragile. Anger makes me forget for awhile what I know in the innermost reaches and depths of my soul and heart-that nothing-no thing is truly real or has any significance or meaning other than what I assign to it in the grander scheme of my total being.
I taste, smell, see, hear and feel with my five physical senses, groping for a tighter grip, a firmer grasp on what reality truly is, and I know that it is all ephemeral, temporary, fading and misty much like the evanescent floating images that appear to me in night slumber. And yet I pretend it is real. I must if I am to continue to exist on this plane, and all it requires is that one small part of my soul convinces itself that the human design is worthwhile and meaningful.
Words of a madman? Perhaps, but perhaps words of a weary traveler who knows the earth is not his place of origin that he can truly call home. Without this realization he cannot even take in the breath of life that pours into him so hungrily, so demanding that he fill his corporeal essence with this life force and take his place in the world.
Why does he dance alone in the darkness? Let his limbs move with listless robotic monotony? Because he knows there is no true or permanent order or harmony in this small world of relativity, and he is not sure that permanence exists either. He can only perceive that there is something true and ever lasting outside his limited field of vision. With determination and willful persistence, he yearns and hopes to tap into realities beyond his comprehension and this realm.
He can only hope there is meaning he can glimpse and perhaps even grasp that stems from deeper levels of awareness. These eyes of mine are but a meager tool allowing me to truly see and know that which I see. Their purpose is to help me define and name images which my retina reveal as true of form, whose essence is worth examining.
Words of a babbling fool? You may think so, but I am not so sure. Before you dismiss me as a madman, I invite you to ponder and examine these words and ideas thoroughly. That is all I ask of you as that is all that I ask of myself !”
We were quiet a few moments. Mr. Divine played with his pony tail for a minute then took a big swig of water from the glass he had poured earlier. I did the same then spoke. “It seems I’m pretty pissed off at being here on the earth. Is that the origin of my anger?”
“It is the origin of some of your anger. In this writing you are back to fighting Maya, that Goddess of Illusion. Let me tell you a secret. Maya dwells inside you as well as outside of you. She is both real and not real as is everything on the planes of duality such as we have discussed before. Maya does dwell in the center of your being, but she is not the center of your being.”
“That is very interesting. My friend emailed me this morning and offered a little prayer for me: “Maya, find your center. Dwell within it and become brave.” This is like telling the wave to bask in the ripples that toss and send it back to the ocean. How can it be sent to something outside itself since the wave is not the ocean?”
“It is the ocean if you view it from the absolute realm? You say that anger makes you forget that nothing is real. How profound, yet more profound is the fact that your anger is not real either. It, like everything else in your world, can only have the meanings you assign to it. You have chosen to become involved with the many people and have created or shall I say co-created each and every experience with all of them. You have gotten lost in the various mazes and labyrinths and you have chosen to do that so you could experience confusion and the anger that results from not having your desires fulfilled. Of course you, like everyone, have created each of your attachments and the desires behind them. A master lives in a state of involved detachment. Having no attachment to outcomes, nothing can upset a master’s equilibrium. To reach that state is to attain equanimity and bliss.”
“Whew, this is some heavy stuff here. I think I’m getting lost.”
“You can only escape the labyrinth when you realize you are lost in it. Otherwise said, you escape the need for escape and being lost when you realize you were never lost to begin but you only thought you were.”
“Oh no, are we going on another wild goose chase?”
“Let me try to simplify. Bear with me because words are in and of themselves very poor tools to convey such concepts. On the most absolute realm there is no duality so the human experience can make no sense, since to be human is to be dualistic on a “relative” world. As divinity and spirit coalesce with matter, then the light of the absolute begins to dim and the soul begins to glimpse and perceive other lights and other energies and vibrations. As the brilliance of the soul light dims, its vibratory rate decelerates more and more until it is able to align itself with the level of vibratory energy that you call third dimensional density or matter.
“At this point divinity has now divided itself into countless sparks and soul lights much like the stars that grace your night skies. The soul light shines, but the amount of density it aligns itself with, determines the radiance of its glow and what kind of experiences it will attract. Part of partaking of density and the third dimension is to step into the realm of the relative where time and space exist on a probable level. The soul never truly accepts or believes this, but it humors the ego all the while knowing that its involvement with the ego expands the soul’s understanding and learning. In this regard the human experience does have meaning.
“Part of your anger is because of the division created within your soul’s own sphere; meaning that to participate in the human experiment it had to dim its light enough to entrap a part of itself in human density. The soul knows it can never be separate from All That Is, but the ego thinks that it can. Healing this rift is what evolution is about. Through its willingness to interact with the ego, it finds itself in all kinds of strange settings, bodies, and circumstances on all types of worlds, planets, and other galaxies and universes.
“The soul has gone along with the ego for its many and diverse rides across the cosmos over the centuries. But like the prodigal son, who never forgets his connection to his father, after so long it becomes bored and restless. It can never be completely devoid of soul light no matter how heavily involved it becomes in mortality and being human. Some believe the soul light can be extinguished, but I say that is a fallacy. It can transmute into other types of energy and light, and experience a more ethereal or spiritual version of itself. But destroyed, never. Energy is never created or destroyed as your physicists say, it is merely transformed.
“One of the things your anger and pain can do is to shove open the door to your soul whose light of understanding and truth can permeate it. This is why some of your mystics and more creative souls speak of having some of their most potent breakthroughs into deeper understanding and truth after agonizing dark nights of the soul. When the darkness becomes so dense and heavy that you fear extinction, if there is a sincere plea and prayer to God, the higher self, the soul, whatever words you choose, then the light of the soul actually extends itself outward into the subtle spheres of your being and draws the darkness towards it to merge with it. The result is what some call the feeling of being immersed into “the great white light.” This outpouring of light, which is accompanied by ineffable joy or bliss, is also referred to as being filled with the “holy ghost. Some refer to the experience as the opening of “the crown chakra” into super-consciousness or complete God or soul awareness. As you know, words are poor tools to express such concepts, but until humanity evolves further, words are what we have to work with at this time.”
“I understand. No wonder the eastern symbol of the yin and yang of the light and dark is so special to me. The light and darkness do merge.”
“If this merging did not occur, the glow of your soul would be so bright that it would be totally beyond your grasp or perceptions. It must intertwine with your darkness before its divine light can penetrate your being and awaken or “enlighten” your higher self who is the intermediary between ego and soul or pure “spirit”. There must be the merging with the darkness before you can be immersed in “the great white light or be filled with “the holy ghost. There must be a balance between your light and your darkness.
“Your higher greater self or soul knows that your anger is part of your darkness. It is one of your great teachers, and along with despair, and depression, it is a very demanding and difficult teacher. It will only move to the light if you surrender your hold to your ego and take the journey into your own personal abyss. Unlike most people think, the way to the light is to move through the darkness. You must face your inner darkness before you can heal and become enlightened.”
“As a matter of fact I have recently been re-reading a book, Meeting the Shadow that deals with this very topic. The quote on the back cover by Carl G. Jung says it perfectly. “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
“Carl Jung was a wise man. Most people are unhappy because they either do not believe or understand this concept. Nor have they made their darkness conscious. Most try to do the very opposite and they fear the dark domain of their unconscious mind. Some even deny that they have an unconscious mind, although dreams ought to prove the contrary.
“As you meet and face your darkness via “the dark nights of the soul” as this journey has been referred to by mystics, then your crown chakra, or the higher mind is filled with divine luminescence. At the highest achievement of this level of spiritual alchemy you become what is called an avatar, God-incarnate, or a Buddha. At this level one has complete mastery over self/elves and can perform what are commonly referred to as miraculous acts. The darkness and the light have merged.
“To know how much divine light is lacking, or to what degree the soul is dancing with density, to use a poetic expression, in these variable “you’s” it is important to learn more about these “you’s”. As I said earlier, there are many “you’s” alive and well living in what you call the past, and the future. On a higher level the present is the one place and moment where they join hands and celebrate their oneness and total unity. They also contain their own “darkness” and past life regressions and hypnosis can be helpful tools to connect with them.
“Part of your deep seated anger is due to old hurts and unresolved conflicts from some of those lifetimes, and although you may be unconscious of them, they still affect you and contribute to the causes and creations of your deepest impulses, fears, phobias, talents, abilities, and other human characteristics. Actually it is the unresolved conflicts and struggles (karma as many refer to it) that you take to the grave after the termination of each physical incarnation that determines the place and circumstances of your future incarnations.”
“The truth is that “self” can never hide from “self”. The ego can pretend or ignore its pains and hurts and the hurts and pain it has inflicted upon others, but the soul has access to all its lives. It knows that the amount of light it can dispense to lead the ego out of the darkness depends upon how well the ego learns from and corrects the mistakes made in the many lives it has lived. The work must be done or as some say the piper must be paid. No cheating is allowed. It is such self delusion and cheating that accounts for so much human misery.
“Lessons avoided become more difficult in each additional lifetime. Anger shoved down and repressed only magnifies and intensifies until it can explode into booming rage which can become as a volcano consuming and destroying anyone and anything in its path. I might add that not all of your anger or love originates from your earth lives. One cannot know great rage, pain or hurt if they have not equally known, experienced and expressed great love. I have said enough for now. I want you to ponder these thoughts until we next meet.”
“Thank you. You have given me much to ponder.”
“The pleasure is always mine.”
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write by kim